Fields

Fields of red poppies

Fields of sunflowers

Fields of dutch tulips

Fields of silence.

I run across them

with my arms spread wide open,

breathing in their scent

and letting it take control over me.

I am happy.


My definition of happiness to be honest lol. Which is yours?

Being alone

You might think that being alone is lame and sad, but it’s not. Being alone is a blessing. Why? Because you can learn so many thing about yourself and the world. Use the time that you spend alone in your favour. Watch documentaries, read, meditate, do research, dance around the house, sing your lungs out, get weird, talk to yourself. Yes, you read that right! Talk to yourself. Whether it is in your mother tongue or a foreign language, talking to yourself is actually very beneficial to your mind, soul and well, speaking skills.

Don’t be afraid to cancel your plans just to be by yourself. Nor be embarrassed about it. Not many people have the chance to explore themselves in deep silence. Even if it scares you, knowing yourself is essential. It also leads to acceptance and you know to where that path continues.

Therefore, whenever you have the chance to spend time alone, do it. It could be the first step you take towards a better life.

Again

Please ignite the fire that hides in my soul

I’m just trying to be whole

Again…

There is a lot of misery,

That surrounds me.

It’s raining, but it’s not bad

Even if I have this thoughts in my head.

Where do they come from,

It’s hard to tell,

But I hope they won’t drag me to hell.

I’m a master of manipulation, yet easy to manipulate

Do you know me at all, or do you just speculate?

Cause it seems that you don’t even remember my name.

What exactly is your aim?

Let me know what your intentions are before I let myself fall into a depressive state

Again…

 


Hey there! Another poem. Hope you like it!

Recipe: Banana Cupcakes (Vegan)

These are my most requested cupcakes. Everyone seems to love them and I always get compliments on them 🙂 Many people wanted to know how I make them, so here is the recipe that I use.


Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

Ingredients:

  • 300g flour
  • 50g sugar
  • vanilla extract
  • 4 bananas
  • salt
  • baking powder
  • 60ml water
  • 80ml oil

You start by mixing the flour with the baking powder and just a sprinkle of salt. Into a different bowl, you mix the sugar and oil. You mash the bananas, then you mix them with the sugar and oil. You add the water and vanilla extract and mix. Then you add the flour and baking powder. You may, if you wish, use a bit of cinnamon cause it gives the mixture a great aroma.

You pour the mix into cupcake forms and bake them for about 15 minutes.

And voila! You got yourself a delicious dessert. You may eat the cupcakes with some jelly on top or with honey and whipped cream 🙂

If you try this recipe, let me know! Cause that would be great!

 

10 things I want to say to 10 people

  1. “I’m sorry that at first I hated what you’ve done to me and that I despised you. If I think about it, I wouldn’t have been where I am now, in this beautiful journey of self-discovery, without you or your actions.” – to the boy whom I loved more than I loved anything else in this entire world, the one who fucking shattered my heart in tiny pieces.
  2. “I shouldn’t have done that. Sometimes I think that it’s my fault that you turned out to be this way. I destroyed our friendship and with it… I destroied you. I don’t think I’ll forget myself for this.” – to my first best friend “forever”
  3. “Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for being by my side when no one else was. I miss you a lot and I wish you could be here and enjoy all my little insignificant achievements. I love you.” – to my lovely grandpa
  4. “Fuck off.” – to a certain teacher
  5. “Why did you choose them over us? We were there for you, but you wanted something else… just… why?” – to a classmate of mine
  6. “You remind me of him so much. I don’t like that. Why did you play with my heart? Your actions were just like his. Maybe I only needed to be reminded that I should move the fuck on. So, thank you for that and thank you for keeping your distance.” – to the one I almost loved.
  7. “Have you gotten bored of me?” – to the ones that replaced me
  8. “Maybe if she didn’t act like that, we would have greeted each other on the hallway” – to the boy who could have been a one night stand.
  9. “What do you see in me?” – to the ones who developed a crush on me
  10. “I’ll make it. No matter how or when, but I’ll make it. Don’t worry about this. Put more of you trust in my powers, please.” – to my darling parents

Self-loathing

I often say “I (fucking) hate myself”, but do I really mean that? If I think about it, the answer is “no”. I do not (fucking) hate myself. What actually disturbs my inner peace is the way others treat me. Unfortunately, it has taken me a long time to figure this out.

To be completely honest, I love myself. I love the way I think, the way I feel, the way I act. I love everything that there is to love about myself. Ugh, I haven’t said that in a while. It might be a bit selfish, but is extremely healthy. Now that I have realized that the ones who surround me don’t always have the best intentions, I don’t look down on me as much as I used to.

I know how hard it is to carry on trying to be happy when everyone asks you why you’re sad or why don’t you smile etc. I also know how hard it is to keep on hearing your loved ones compare you to your friends and maybe even to the ones you don’t normally stand.

“Comparison will kill you”

Well, it really fucking does cause all you can think about is that you’re not enough, you disappoint everyone, you can do better, there is room for improvement, you’ll never be the same as them…

But let me tell you one thing. That’s a lie. These thoughts that you have, the things they say… They are all a lie. It’s not you, it’s them. They are the ones who have a problem, not you. They are the ones that cannot appreciate a lovely human being like you. Yeah, you’re not perfect, but neither are they. We’re humans, we have flaws. These little quirks that we have made us special and unique.

I know it’s pretty cliché, but it’s true.

So please, accept yourself as you are. You are good enough and whoever contradicts with this statement, doesn’t deserve the place in your life and heart. Loving yourself will bring you closer to happiness. Don’t be harsh with who you are. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you, cause change comes from within.

I hope your journey is going to be a wonderful one.

Peace.