I am my worst nightmare

I realized that I was infatuated with the idea of you. You are fascinating. Extremely fascinating. But my heart doesn’t jump when I see you anymore, for I know we are not compatible.

The way you think, the way you move, the way you express yourself… it disgusts me, sometimes. But then again, I am going through a phase in which nothing seems good enough for me.

And once more, I’ve proven to myself that I have turned into my worst nightmare. Maybe this is my only chance to attract caring people in my life.

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20.09.2017

Words don’t rhyme into my head anymore. They’ve stopped doing so for a while now. First, in my mother tongue, then in English.

The energy is shifting. I feel the walls building up. I don’t want to feel caged. I was meant to fly. But, perhaps, in order to fully appreciate the result, my journey must be filled with hardships. Hardships. Hardships. Hardships. Hardships.

Like a broken record. Hardships.

I’ll surmount them. But not before I have a breakdown. Or two, or three… I am anxious. Because there is so much pressure on my shoulders. Great expectations. I hate that book.

Life is wonderful. But sometimes, it’s such a bitch. Yin and Yang. Black and White. Never gray. Gray doesn’t exist. I don’t exist when things are gray. I exist now. And all’s pitch black. I have some candles. I just need a lighter. But I never have a lighter on me. And people never want to give me one because they are afraid I will set something on fire.

I was busy thinkin’ ’bout a boy

We’ve never talked. Sometimes, I can feel him staring at me. Or it’s just my imagination. But when I meet his gaze, I swear I can see millions of questions floating around in the iris of his eyes. I don’t even know their colour. Is it brown? I think it is.

Sometimes, I am afraid to look at him. I’m afraid I will notice judgment instead of lust plastered on his face. I wonder if he finds me fascinating… if I arouse his mind a little bit. Does he think of me?

Cause I think about him. And his lips. And how much I would love to have them pressed against mine.

a poem for my ex best friend

i am sorry i wasn’t a good friend

i am sorry i didn’t stay

beside you till the end

like i promised

i left you when you needed me most

sometimes i feel like it’s my fault

that you got lost

i don’t think i’ll ever forgive myself

for throwing you even further

into the void you slipped in

i wish i could turn back time

to the moment we were besties

i am sorry


copyright oceauxnic 2017

What I’ve Been Loving In The Summer Of 2k17

This summer was way too short. But I was (un)lucky enough to obsess over a huge amount of things. And, obviously, I want to share my obsessions with you, dear readers. So here we go…

MUSIC

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BOOKS

Big Magic! by Elizabeth Gilbert

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The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

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If you want to know what my thoughts about those two are, you can read my “Books Lately #3” post right here.

The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle

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Soon, I’ll review this book in a future “Books Lately” post along with some other goodies that I’ve read.

TV SHOWS

Salem

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One of the best TV shows I have seen so far. The plot follows Mary Sibley and her coven who are trying to complete the Grand Rite. Although there were some disturbing images here and there, I didn’t really get scared. It’s important to understand that the series does not mean to portray what actually happened in Salem. So it’s not accurate from a historical point of view because, well, it was just inspired by the Salem witch trials. Anyway, I recommend it to everyone who loves stories about the occult, witches in general and magic.

X-men: Evolution

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I’ve seen some of the episodes when I was a child, but not the whole series. One night I just remembered about how much I used to love it and decided to watch the whole thing. I ABSOLUTELY loved it. My favorite characters must be Quicksilver, Nightcrawler, Storm and Wolverine (of course). You can watch it on YouTube.

MOVIES

The Grand Budapest Hotel

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This is not just a summer favorite. This is officially my favorite movie (so far). I have loved everything about it. It has comedy, serious moments, lovable characters, wonderful images, the colors are amazing… 10/10 for sure. You have to see it!

Nocturnal Animals

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It blew my mind. I honestly (and shamefully) never believed that Tom Ford would be able to direct something as beautiful as this. But it just proves that art is art and you can succeed in any of its areas if you believe in your powers and you are true to yourself. The story is about a woman named Susan. She receives a manuscript from her ex husband. While she reads it, she realizes that the whole book is a metaphor of their love. Great movie! And as a bonus, both Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Taylor-Johnson play in it.

Hotel Transylvania

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This was so funny and entertaining! The animation is amazing, the characters super sweet and they make you laugh a lot. I can’t wait to see HT2! Also, Dracula’s accent was so lovely.

RANDOMS

  • Jake Gyllenhaal, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Tom Hiddleston, Janet Montgomery, Chris Evans, Dua Lipa and Elizabeth Olsen (lovely people)
  • Marvel (I don’t know where I’ve been all this time, but I am finally on board)
  • Journaling (been writing in my journal almost every day)
  • Driving (started taking driving lessons… love it)
  • German (what a great language)

What have you, dear readers, been obsessing over this summer?